Parenting can fill you up, but wow can it take you down. There are days when everything feels hard and you're so worn out and irritable and you're trying to hold it together but you keep snapping and maybe you yell and for a moment you recognize just how much anger you're carrying around inside and how often it's leaking or even bursting out of you onto your kids and you know it has to stop. You have to stop. You're not abusive, but you can be hurtful. And you're done, you're really done, but how do you change?
I never get as angry at anyone as I do at my kid. At times, it grows and intensifies into rage. It seems not only to fill me, but to radiate waves of heat beyond me. Even restraining the wounding words and actions that boil inside, I feel the energy alone capable of scorching.
Jenni led a discussion about community that lasted for our entire time together. We feel comfortable enough together that we went over our allotted time easily, talking for more than two hours before we noticed the clock. Jenni talked about how our struggles aren’t personal failures. So instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?” and trying to fix ourselves, we can ask “Where do I need support?” So often when we are struggling, we think we are inherently broken, but maybe we just need help.
On the cusp of the solstice, we would honor what had dimmed within us, and like a phoenix, commit it to the flames to bring it to new vibrancy and vitality.